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If grandparents are born

If grandparents are born

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It is not easy for grown-up parents to play the role of the parents of their parents ... How can we act wisely and rebuild our family life with less loss?

"My baby was a little overnight when the szьleim for decades afterwards, they have specialized in you and in your relationship, "he says Barbara, mother of a one-year-old baby boy and one-year-old baby. "Despite the long process before I chose, my mom was very worried and I could only watch the collapse helplessly.
I was always very attached to it, but even in my childhood I felt that I had to take care of it, but in this situation I couldn't help it. If I had a brother with whom I could share my thoughts, it might have been easier to go through these months, but my one-on-one support was very upset. Then my brother had to travel abroad, completely I was left alone with the kids and the troubles. "The next month, the pediatrician my little son is not growing well. The doctor started wondering what the reason for this was, and then I realized that because of my choice, I was not paying attention to my baby's signs, and this is already affecting my development. Then I realized that now I just have to focus on the kid. I started it breast-feed more often, so quickly brought in the backlog, but I had to be very conscious that I was focusing on my own life and not wanting to solve my parents.

What does the psychologist say?

"Emotionally, even an adult child is emotionally overwhelmed by the parents 'wishes, but a young mother must live her own life and not be involved in or even overlooked in parents' conflicts." Roboz Gabriella pszicholуgus. "Talk a lot to your parents, listen to them, but tactfully and consistently close your open mind. vбlбs and divert them as soon as possible. "

Get out of a storm!

But what happens when the peaceful choice fails, and when the grandparents are in the presence of a tense air?

If grandparents are born

"For the better, I have dense glances, on worse days stormy quarrels characterize family reunions before my parents finally moved in "- remembers difficult months Tamara, mother of three little girls. "It often happened that they began to yell at each other frantically with us, and when I asked them to quit at least because of the kids, they were angry with me, .
It also happened that we were expecting them at the agreed time, the dinner was cold and they did not arrive. After the move, the kids didn't want to believe Grandma's visit to the parent's house that the grandfather didn't fancy, he didn't really live there anymore, and now he had to go outside. Of course, children are happy to double their gifts at birth, but we are preoccupied with having to organize every family event twice because nagyszьlхk we are not willing to celebrate with one another. "

What does the psychologist say?

"If grandparents in the street arouse tension at family events, they should be avoided for a while," explains Gabriella Roboz. "Kids quickly accept meeting with their grandparents on the outside, and once the bad weather has subsided, they can be re-organized if everyone agrees meetings. Ideally, adults try to keep intimate conflicts away from the grandchild, since grandparenthood, like parenthood, is a lifetime, and in the eyes of the child, the grandparent remains the same.

Give yourself time!

It is difficult to process the situation if the grandfather or grandmother New relationship he started and decided to take this on before his family.
"My first happy baby was overshadowed by my parents' wish" - she remembers Ambrus Mуnika mother with four children. "Apбmmal I could barely keep in touchbecause I couldn't accept being a new couple. However, my brother wanted to share the big story with everyone, so he caught me by the hand and, to my surprise, I didn't feel bad in the presence of his couple.
By the time our baby was born, it turned out that my son's parents were also having trouble, but my mother didn't want to burden us twice during her pregnancy: grandchild, and afterwards they entered the election. Today we are getting used to the new situation, every grandparent is actively involved in the grandchildren's life, and since they live independently, I can ask for help from two to four. "
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